On Testing

No one likes tests. We hated them in school, we hate them when we get a ticket and have to be tested in driving school, and as parents we hate it when our kids test us. Lately many of the conversations I've had with Zoe look like this:

"Zoe, please don't put your hands on the glass window."
"I'm not mommy, I'm only putting my fingers on the window."
"Please don't put any body part on the window, you are leaving fingerprints."
"Look Mommy, I can touch it gently and not put any fingerprints."
"Zoe, I'm not kidding, do not touch that window again."
"Okay Mommy, I'm not touching it." (With her hand hovering on top of the window"

Seriously?

I don't know whether to laugh, or to beat her (kidding, obviously). Part of me is secretly proud of her. Many of these conversations end with her outwitting me in some way that I didn't think of, and I have to either acquiesce or pull the mom card. The dreaded "because I said so." Now that I'm a parent I realize the "because I said so" is really just what you say when your kid outsmarts you and you are too tired or too irritated to come up with a better reason.

Another recent conversation went like this:

"Mommy, I want gummies for breakfast."
"No Zoe, we are having eggs for breakfast."
"You can have eggs for breakfast, I'm going to have gummies."
"No, I don't think you are."
"You can have eggs with Daddy and I can have gummies. Sit down Mommy, I can get them by myself."

At which point she drags her little stool over to the pantry and opens up the door. Luckily, I had previously moved her beloved Annie's gummies to a high shelf because she was becoming a little too preoccupied with them.

"Mommy, I can't reach my gummies. You can reach them. I will eat two bites of eggs and then I will get my gummies. Okay?"
"No, there will be no gummies. Gummies are not a breakfast food in this house."
"Is cake a breakfast food in this house?"

Well, at that point I simply walked away. Who has the energy for this at 7:30 in the morning?